Blood Bonds
by nightsofcabiria
Summary: This is the story of a man and his little girl. Dan-centric.


Canon until the end of S5. Except Dan didn't cheat with Serena. I don't have a beta, all mistakes are mine.

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. I do it all from entertainment.**

* * *

"_Maybe it's not blood bonds that make us a family.  
Perhaps it's the people that know our secrets and love us anyway.  
So we can finally be ourselves.__"_

You think you have loved her ever since you first saw her. When you really _really_ saw **her**. You loved her when she was the lonely girl in the hall who needed reassurance that relationships with ones parents are never easy. You love her when you discover she is so much more than meets the eye. And you will love her when she is no longer by your side. That is the problem, you will always love her.

_What did she gave you? _

Loving Blair Waldorf is never easy.

And yes, she left you for Chuck; but we all make mistakes don't we? Besides, it never really worked out and she came back to you, eventually. Not the same as before; never the same. She came to you in pieces and she was never yours completely. You tried to decipher the puzzle until you realized what a fucking cliché you were being and just accepted her as she came to you. "Come as you are, Blair. Come as you are"

You never realized you can't escape clichés in your situation.

I

And that is how it all really begins. She comes and stays with you, a day, a week, sometimes months at a time; then she is gone again. A free bird, a free spirit. You love her so much that you never refuse her entry or lock your door.

Your time with her becomes shorter and shorter and your time waiting becomes larger and larger. To the outside world it almost seems like you are living a double life but they don't and will never understand, so there is no point to explain anything to them. There is only so much the people that care about you can tolerate.

They try to understand. But how can they understand something you can't even comprehend yourself? For what it's worth, Blair is not even in contact with them anymore so you don't have to talk to them either. They stop trying. Only the occasional letter and holiday greetings replace the once strong family bonds you used to have.

Two or three years pass since this particular arrangement of yours with Blair. She arrives five months pregnant and you know you are not the father because you haven't seen her in about a year. Old habits die hard and you are there for her the remaining time of her pregnancy. You are there for her the first four months the baby is born. A beautiful girl named Eliza. You are not there when they are both gone; a sole note in your work desk:

_Thank You._

What surprises you the most is that you are not surprised.

And so it continues. Blair still visits, every ten months or so. The only thing that has changed is that Eliza comes along; it is the first time in your life that you truly enjoy change. It is also the first time you get really angry at Blair, denying you to see Eliza. Only seeing her whenever Blair feels like it and that _does_ drive you insane.

"You are not her father."

You know, you really know. But fuck, that child is something so beautiful, so angelical; you don't think even Blair compares.

II

It is raining and you are alone. You haven't heard of either Blair or Eliza in over a year when someone knocks on the door. It is Blair and four-year old Eliza is on her hands. Eliza instantly comes and hugs you. "I always liked you more" she whispers in your ear. You can't help but shut your eyes and hug her tight; this is the only answer you know how to give.

When you both stopped embracing, Blair is gone. Vanished, as usual. The only difference is the child in the red polka dot dress with the wet socks and the bittersweet smile. She looks at you with the stranger's eyes you will come to know as hers.

"Only you and me, Dan. It'll be nice" She sounds so wise and so old for a four year old and your heart breaks because she understands. She goes inside almost as if nothing has happened but you know she knows better. She knew she was going to be left. She has lived four years with her mother, even when it feels like more, she has been with her for four years and she has learnt what took you so much more: if you love Blair Waldorf, you eventually will be left.

Yet, she has learnt one more thing, one thing you have never learnt. She has learnt that being left is not always worthy of misery. She knows that once you have been left, you do not have to spend all your time thereafter waiting to be returned to. You can move on.

It takes her years to teach you this, but you learn it in the end.

III

A year passes, and then another. There are still no signs of Blair. But Eliza is now the sunshine of your days and she keeps growing, and learning and loving and you learnt to be there for her. You learnt this is not temporary; you arrange all legal procedures and enroll her in the best school you can afford (Which is a very good one, by the way). The first day of kindergarten she clings to you as other children cling to their dads. You console her when she cries, when she falls while playing, you go to all her PTA meetings. Teachers and parents alike compliment you on the great work you are doing with your daughter and you just smile and don't correct them because you know Eliza now as equally as you ever knew Blair.

One day she comes to you with a nervous glance and a little bit preoccupied and you ask her what's wrong. She tells you about this activity in class where it is asked for her to bring one of her parents so they can explain their profession and she doesn't know what to do. You know a child her age shouldn't be consumed by this. You reassure her and tell her that you are there for her.

The next day you go to her kindergarten class to talk about your writing and what being a writer means and you swear you have never been this nervous in front of an audience before. At the very end you lock eyes with Eliza and she looks at you with her beautiful blue eyes. She has no longer a strange man's eyes. They are her own. Your girl's eyes.

She keeps growing and even you, her… can you call yourself her dad? You are not sure. Even you, her Dan, can't help notice how much she is growing and how much she is starting to resemble Blair. Her mother's determination and stubbornness pouring out of her constantly. Is not a bad thing, you just notice. The writer in you always alert and observant. She is also beautiful, just like her mother, and even if she didn't look like Blair you will still see her as beautiful because she is your little girl. Your accomplice, your comrade, your friend.

IV

Blair still comes and goes, like she tends to do. It always starts with measuring Eliza against her chest, caressing her hair, asking her how she is doing at school. She always brings a present from her travels or whatever the fuck Blair is doing right now.

You start to not care about Blair anymore. The finality of it piercing your senses as you stand there, watching them, pointlessly. So later, at night and when Eliza is long asleep in the room you both took a lot of time in consideration on redecorating (it was your guest room, before), Blair tries to make a move at you, you don't find it that surprising to find yourself telling her "No" and to go back to your bedroom because the couch is uncomfortable enough without her midnight interruptions.

As easily as Blair comes, she is gone again. It always ends with Eliza not wanting to speak to anyone, not even you, for a day or two. She never cries, you notice.

V

It is in the day of her 15th birthday; the summer before Eliza goes to High School when Blair shows up after her last visit many years ago.

"I didn't knew you were coming, Blair. Or else I would have made more cupcakes." It's the first thing Eliza tells her mother after not seeing her for eight years. The coldness of her tone surprises you, she doesn't sound like the Eliza you know. The one who, even when she likes to challenge people in the quest of learning or just for fun; still talks to them in the warmest of timbres.

"It doesn't matter, Eli. I don't eat sweets." Blair answers solemnly.

"Please don't call me Eli." After saying this Eliza walks to her room without looking at Blair, without looking at you.

"I'll… I'll try to talk to her." You said to a Blair that seems at the verge of tears.

"Please" It's all the woman in front of you manages to say.

"Honestly, Blair. I don't know what you expected. You haven't seen her in eight years. And even before that… I don't think this is fair at all for Eliza; for you to come and go, in and out of her life as you please, it's not fair."

"I know. I know that, Dan. I just wanted to talk to her."

"All right. I'll see what I can do."

When you first knock at Eliza's door you hear no response. The second time, a tiny voice tells you to come in.

"Want to talk about what happened?" You ask her while you sit at her bed and she has her head buried in her pillow.

"There's nothing to talk about." You can hear her say.

"Isn't it?"

You both stay silence for a few minutes.

"It's just… how dare she?"

"She is your mother, Eli. Mothers are intrusive and are there for you even when you don't want them to."

"And where are they when you want them to be with you?"

You do not know how to answer that.

"She wants to talk to you. All I ask is for you to listen to what she has to say."

"I don't want to. She doesn't deserve it."

"But what if you do it as a favor to me?"

"As a favor to you?" She says while she unburies her face out of the pillow. She is crying this time, you notice.

"If you really don't want to do it, then don't do it. But yes, as a favor to me."

"I don't really don't want to do it." You both chuckle at this. "Just because I love you, Dan."

You have never felt this happy by an "I love you" in your entire life. It's not the first time she tells you these words, but, you always feel extremely happy when you hear them. You love her too.

"Tell her to come to my room. I don't feel like making that much effort to talk to her."

"She's downstairs! But, very well, I'll tell her to come here."

Blair and Eliza seem to be talking for hours. In reality you know it has only passed about half an hour, forty minutes tops; but it feels like so much more. You feel anxious. You cannot protect Eliza from Blair in there. It's fucked that you have to think that way, but given the situation you know it's not out of place. You also know that Eliza doesn't need protection in this matter. She is strong.

When they finish talking, Blair prepares to leave. Eliza stays in her room. They have already said their goodbyes.

"Goodbye Dan." She tells you with a weak smile.

"When will you visit again? I know it may not seem like it, but Eliza needs you in her life. Even if it is the pieces you choose to give her."

"She is strong."

"I know she is strong. Yet, she needs a mother."

"She doesn't need me. She's doing so fine."

"If she doesn't have her mother, who does she have?" You are beginning to get angry now.

"You don't understand, do you Dan?" Blair says with a sarcastic smile. "I was never able to give Eliza what she wanted, to give you what you wanted."

"I don't understand."

"Past mistakes will haunt me forever. And I didn't want a haunted life for my daughter.

"Past mistakes? What the fuck, Blair? If you are talking about Chuck… that ended a long time ago. Long before Eliza was even conceived."

"It has never been about Chuck, at least not completely. But it was always about a bunch of little things, little tragedies in my life that accumulated and exploded simultaneously. I couldn't, still can't control them."

"Don't make yourself a victim in this situation."

"I take full responsibility for what I did. Leaving Eliza. But you have to understand, she wasn't going to have a joyful life with me as much as she has it with you."

Fuck. Her fucking warped logic was starting to make sense in your head. You had to get her out of there before it polluted the air.

"Anyhow, I wanted to talk to you as well. Give you something."

"What is it?"

"Here, take it." She answers you by handing you an envelope. You open it at the spot, it's a check.

"I don't want it. We don't need it."

"It's not for you, it's for Eliza. She is going to start high school and eventually go to college. I want to help, I want for her to go to the best university possible."

"I am perfectly capable of paying for her tuition myself."

"Please, just take it. It's all I can give her."

You want to tell her that she can also give Eliza her love, her presence. You don't tell her anything and just accept the goddamn money. It can easily be part of Eliza's trust fund.

When Blair leaves, you look at her. You really look at her, mesmerized at all the details you can see in her appearance, in her skin. She looks older, naturally. But there is something in Blair. Something about the way she walks, not defeated but overpowered; if that is the correct word to use. Like something deep inside of her has overpowered her whole character. You don't know what it is. And anyway, you have not cared about Blair since a long time; but you still love her. Somehow, you still do. Your life is a walking paradox. Regardless of what motivates you to observe Blair in this way that can almost be intrusive; you will always remember her as the girl who was to afraid to love completely. You know this may not be fair to Blair but, what can you do?

"Dan?" Blair says before looking you for a last time before she really leaves.

"Blair?" You ask her with a curious smile; resentments are never long established in your heart.

"She may not be your blood. But you are her father."

With those parting words, she is gone.

VI

Life goes on, the way it usually does. The night before Eliza's first day at high school she can't sleep so instead of doing the reasonable thing, you get blankets and pillows and go to the rooftop and look at the stars. She knows more about constellations than you do. No surprises there, she is a bright child.

"Dan?" You hear her asking next to you.

"What is it, Eli?"

"I'm lucky I have you."

"I'm the lucky one, kiddo." This is the truest truth you have ever said.

"It's just… if it weren't for you, I'll be so lonely. It's so scary to be lonely." She says with a sigh.

"You will never be lonely, Eli. You will always have me."

"Everybody leaves, everybody is leaving us." Eliza says more to herself than to you.

"Not us," you promise her, "we are left, we don't do the leaving. So we will never leave each  
other."

You extend your pinky finger to Eli and she extends hers to yours. A pinky promise, right then and there, unbreakable.

VII

The first year of high school goes easy for Eliza. You aren't surprised. You think you may be biased but you swear this girl excels at everything she puts her sigh on. Whereas you, and you know even Blair, have to work hard to get good grades and be generally liked at school, well, Eliza; she is so bright she doesn't even have to try in class and she is popular and yes, you may be biased but you are also very proud.

In her first PTA meeting, the teachers tell you that she sometimes talks a little bit too much and that it wouldn't be a problem because she aces her grades but she distracts the person she is talking to at the moment, and sometimes the entire class. They also tell you that even when generally she is bright and nice, she can also be a bit cruel and rude, especially to people she doesn't like. And you wanted to tell them, of course she is cruel sometimes, of course she isn't always nice, life hasn't particularly treated her well, but you let it go. You promise to have a talk with her, but really there is nothing you can do and you know it.

It if after one of the school plays where Eliza played the antagonist that her drama teacher request to talk to you. She tells you thats she can see real talent in Eliza; she is really good at it.

"She also seems to like theater, so I encourage you to encourage her. I recommend enrolling her in a local youth theater group. I have a contact or two." You tell her that you'll talk to Eliza before making that decision but you have experienced how Eliza loves acting yourself because while she was preparing for her role; at home you were the one she practiced her dialogues in and you were the one that saw her smile her brightest smile when she said she got one of the leading roles and well, you know she loves it.

"I also wanted to mention", Eliza's drama teacher continues, Mrs. Suzanne Cohen, "when she auditioned for the role, we asked for the students to do a soliloquy, she did a great work with a poem, and when we asked her who wrote it, she told us it was hers. Now, the poem was very simple, not bright, but what made it so powerful was her performance, and the emotion. Oh, the emotion! I think I shed a tear or two. So what I'm saying is that she _really_ has talent. And hey, maybe her writing could be something. I know you're a writer, she mentioned, and maybe she gets that from you, so, it wouldn't be bad to encourage it either.

"She's not my daughter, you know," you don't know why you are telling the woman in front of you this. But you really like Mrs. Cohen, talking so highly of Eli. "I… her mother left her with me and I have been taking care of her even since."

"I could never tell. You are so alike."

"How come?" And you are really curious because the only thing you and Eli have in common is the brown hair, and hers is not even that brown, is more golden than brown, in between. She is graceful and petite and you are well, not graceful and petite.

"Well, obviously not physical, but there are certain mannerisms, they are too obvious. I have only known you for about two hours and still, I could tell the minute you walked in the room that you were Eliza's dad. There is something about the way you both carry yourselves, detached from everyone else. I will not exactly say vulnerable but maybe fragile."

This surprises you, honestly.

When you get home you tell Eli what her drama teacher told you and she is delighted to get involved in a local theater group. You also tell her what she told you about your detachment from other people.

"I see it, Dan." She tells you, "What Mrs. Cohen said, I see it… in you."

IX

True to her word, Mrs. Cohen, or Suzanne, as you have come to known her because she is Eliza's favorite teacher after all, gets Eliza a place at a prestigious local youth theater group. Eliza embraces the new challenge and excels at it as breezily as she excels at everything else.

After a few months you find yourself with an invitation to their production of Richard II. You are surprised that a group of young people will perform such serious play and not something more _light_ from Shakespeare but what astonishes you more is the fact that Eliza has been given the large part of Henry Bolingbroke – Duke of Hereford. Now, what really makes you overcome from emotion is that her name is listed in the programme as _Henry Bolingbroke, played by Eliza Humphrey_. You may have even cried a little, but you will never admit to this.

Eliza is a method actress. So in the whole duration of preparing the play, practice her lines and actually performing in front of an audience; her room seems out of 14th century Britain, she even starts talking in Shakespearean English and at the beginning you found it annoying, but eventually you kind of like it.

When she tells you "Can thee hand me a pot of sack and some capon? Mine humor is choler. I am hungry." Like it is perfectly normal to speak that way you can't help but laugh. Honestly, this kid surprises you every day.

One day Eliza is feeling particularly nervous and to make her feel better you tell her about that time you performed in your high school's production of The Age of Innocence.

"Really?" Eliza asks you with bright eyes. "Who was your character?"

"None other than Newland Archer, of course." You tell her with a smile. "The best for the best."

You both laugh at that last comment.

"And who was your Ellen Olenska?"

Silence follows. You don't need to answer her. She has figured it by now.

When the big night comes, you sit in the dark theater surrounded by strangers and feeling really nervous, you really want her to do well. When she comes on stage, all doubts are gone. She is everything Suzanne promised, everything you already witnessed, and even more. She is… breathtaking. You don't have another word to describe it. She owns it, she and her character are one. When she is on stage, there is only Henry Bolingbroke and his ambition and she is much more masculine than the boy that plays Richard. It's astonishing. When the play ends you are the one leading the audience in thunderous applause.

"Was I good?" she asks you quietly and you notice this is the first time she seeks for some kind of approval.

"Of course, you were excellent. You nailed it" You both laugh at that unusual expression you just used. "How about some ice cream, to celebrate?"

"I would love to, but…" She begins nervously, "…I kind of already have plans."

"No problem, we'll leave it for another day, okay?"

"Yes. Thank you, see you at home." She tells you. You see her running to a couple of young people around her age, some of them from high school, some of them from the theater group and you notice how she is particularly close to the boy that played Richard. This bothers you a little but you know she is supposed to be doing this. Dating, growing up.

X

Both you and Eliza are walking in the streets of New York looking for a set of formal attire or something similar when you run into none other but the golden girl herself: Serena Van Der Woodsen.

Probably more than a decade has passed since you last saw her and the years have barely passed through her. There's a moment of panic because you don't know what to do. You spotted her first and the only thing you want to do is not talk to her. Its right then when she sees you as well, looks confused for a moment and then smiles to you. You smile back as well as you can.

"Hey, I haven't seen you in so long. I almost didn't recognize you." She speaks in such a bright tone you almost feel embarrassed for not keeping contact with her in the first place. "And hello there, you must be Eliza." She says to the sixteen year old girl who is looking at both of you curiously.

"Yes, I'm Eliza." She says confidently and shakes Serena's hand. "And who are you?"

"I'm Serena, and old friend of Dan and of your… mother." She tells Eliza the last with a cautious tone, like she tastes the subject.

"Oh." It's all Eliza has to say on that matter.

"So, I was looking for a dress that can effectively make me look sexy at my age. But I can drop that and maybe us three could go for a bite or something?"

This is typical Serena. You appreciate the gesture, but you really don't want to go. Things are already a bit awkward. "I don't know about that Serena, we were kind of busy. Eliza needs a new set of clothes."

"Of course, I understand. A girl needs her shopping and it is great from your part to accompany her, Dan. I'll leave you to that. But hey…" She tells you while she takes a card from her purse and scribbles her number and hands it to you. "Call me sometime. Please, don't become a stranger." With that she walks away.

When both you and Eliza are back at home and eating dinner, your, you wonder what your family is doing at the moment. You kind of have been in contact, holiday cards, and an occasional call once every six months to your dad and Jenny and they all know about Eliza; so they pretty much know what is going on with your life.

"Dan?" Eliza asks you as you both finish your lasagna.

"Yes, kiddo?" You answer her absentmindedly.

"I have grandparents, right? And probably cousins? How come I've never met them?"

Now she has your full attention.

"I don't really know, Eliza. It is not that I deliberately didn't want you to meet them. Long before you came into my life, long before you were born, the bridge between me and them was shattered and I just, I just never reached to them again. It's hard to explain, really."

"Is that woman, Serena, related to me?"

"Kind of. My dad and her mom are married so; she is kind of my sister."

"So this afternoon I met my aunt." She said that more to herself than to you. You wanted to tell her Serena wasn't her aunt. She shouldn't call her, her aunt. If anything, the only person she should be calling "aunt" is Jenny. But she doesn't know her, so you don't say anything.

"Well, I want to meet them. All of them. Even…" she says that part a bit more quietly, "Even my mother's relatives."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Not really. But, I think I need to meet them."

"All right. It's your choice."

The next day you call Serena. You tell her Eliza wants to meet them. All of them. She tells you the ideal thing would be to organize a dinner with all the family. If is really that important to Eliza; she can ask Jenny to make sure that your mom is there as well. Your mom, you think. You haven't seen her in forever. She was there for you when you grew up, yes, but not as you wanted her to. It seems Eliza and you have so much more in common than you thought. Regardless of that, you agree with Serena. You also tell her that Eliza wants to meet Blair's family but you don't know if that is even possible. Last you knew, all her relatives were scattered around the globe, and none in the United States.

Serena tells you that she can invite Eleanor and Cyrus. "They have been living in New York for about three years, so that is possible." She says. "If you consider Aaron part of Blair's family, well, I can invite him as well." To that you tell her no, only Eleanor and Cyrus.

Before you hang up, you can't help but ask her if she knows anything about Blair.

"Not really." She tells you sincerely. "I haven't talk to her in such a long time, forget about me seeing her. Last I heard, my mom told me because Eleanor told her, she was living in Paris with her dad. But I understand she doesn't stay too long in any place. So I don't know if she is still there. Hell, for all I know she can be in New York."

"That makes two of us. But at least you know something."

With that, you hang up.

XI

Dinner with the family. Well, the dinner was… interesting. When you and Eliza arrived at your dad and Lily's penthouse it was like, suddenly everyone was mute. Serena came to the rescue and started conversation.

After that, they all made their introductions. Eliza was open to all of them and seemed genuinely interested in what they all had to say. You found yourself interested as well. Your dad and Lily told you about how they were trying to decide the best destination for them to celebrate their 20th something anniversary. You can't recall the number now. Eric was now happily married as well, with a set of ten year old twins, a boy and a girl. They were a bit spoiled, but they were adorable. Serena was married to Nate, no surprise there. They didn't have any children. It wasn't in their plans.

Your mom was a bit hesitant to approach you and Eliza. You could easily tell she felt very out of place. This is why you appreciated her effort to come.

"Hello, Eliza. I'm Dan's mom." She says nervously.

"Oh, hi." Eliza responds. "It's nice to meet you. Dan has said great things about you."

You know your mom doesn't believe it and no wonder, you haven't said anything about her, or any of them, to Eliza in her entire life.

"I'm Jenny Humphrey." You first notice Jenny, now. She has cut her hair and has it just above the shoulders. Of all the people in here, she is the one you are most happy to see. "I'm Dan's sister; so technically, it makes me your aunt."

Next is time for Eleanor and Cyrus to introduce themselves. And here is where you really get tense. For all you know, they could have only found about Eliza's existence when Serena invited them to dinner.

To say _that_ meeting was emotional is a bit of an understatement. At least from Eleanor's part. She was almost crying. Probably happy tears, but tears they were. After an awkward exchange between them and Eliza where everyone was looking at them, dinner was served. Somehow you were seated next to Eleanor.

"Daniel, I just wanted to say, thank you." She tells you in a soft voice.

"Why?"

"For inviting us, Cyrus and me, to this dinner. You didn't have to and yet you did. And thank you for raising Eliza, she is a lovely girl and very healthy, I am grateful."

"Well, you're welcome." You tell her. "But you are Eliza's biological grandmother and she wanted to meet you."

With that, dinner goes by. Next, you hear Eliza talk about bits of her life to her family. It's really weird, "her family", because apart from Eleanor, they are really not.

Later in the night Eleanor approaches you again. This is probably the most you have talked to Eleanor Waldorf in your entire life.

"If you must know," she tells you, "We just found out about Eliza's existence about three years ago. When we moved to New York, Lily told us this strange arrangement. We wanted to contact you, well, Eliza; we just didn't knew if it was appropriate. So we just waited to have some courage and reached to you, it never came."

"The point here is," Eleanor continues, "If you let us, Cyrus and I would be thrilled to be part of Eliza's life."

"Is not my decision to make, its Eliza's" you tell her.

"All right, I understand. Just mention this to her and let me know."

Back at home, you and Eliza discuss how both of you should handle everything now. Will she like to keep seeing them? Your family?

"Well, I liked them. They are good people but I like more my life with you, just how it is."

"But you wanted to meet them, which must count for something, right?"

"I _needed_ to meet them, which is different. I needed to meet them so I could know where you come from, where I come from; so I could know where I will go."

"Your destiny is not defined by your family. You know that, right? You made it yourself."

"I know."

"Besides, if we are being technical; they are not your family."

"Dan, they are your family. You are my family. By extension, they are family to me."

You tell her what Eleanor said to you about wanting to be involved in Eliza's life.

"If she wants to be part of my life, why didn't she reach for me before?"

"She just recently found out about your existence and she is reaching now, why not give her an opportunity?"

"Tell you what, Dan. Let's make a deal: I will give Eleanor a chance if you give your family a chance. What about that?"

"I don't know" but in your head, the idea to at least make more contact with your dad and sister doesn't sound so bad. So you end up agreeing.

It goes like this: Eliza will be seeing Eleanor and Cyrus two Sundays a month. As for you, you are going to have a phone conversation with your dad and Jenny once every two weeks. You both agreed to spend Thanksgiving with Lily and Rufus, and maybe Christmas, if you are both in the mood.

XII

Life keeps happening. You write a couple of books (about girls you used to know and women you are beginning to know) and of course, Eliza keeps growing. The moment arrives for Eliza to consider to which university she is going and what she is going to study and you are afraid. Afraid because your little girl is no longer little and will most likely go somewhere else to study; away from home.

Eleanor is coming to your house nearly every day because she wants to be part of this important process, and really; both you and Eliza are very happy she is so involved. Her presence is what is keeping you up to date with deadlines and such.

In the end, Eliza decides she wants to pursue drama. You offer to send her to Cambridge, or Oxford. Which you think are pretty good schools, even when they are far away. Eliza toys with the idea for a while but eventually decides she wants to go to Yale.

The irony.

At eighteen, she looks so much like Blair. She carries herself with confidence, strong. Yet, you know a few heavy words can sometimes blow her away. Her hair is long and carried in a nouvelle vague Anna Karina sort of style; this is the only way you know how to describe it. She particularly loves clothing with a vintage feel to it. She savours art and is very fond of dancing. And you thank God everyday that she can appreciate and enjoy the films you love. She weeps when she watches Nights of Cabiria and laughs out loud with Bringing Up Baby. In these particular moments is when she resembles Blair the most.

"You do know, right?" she asks you one night when you are both at the rooftop contemplating the nightly sky as it has become your tradition; a week before she parts to New Haven, to Yale. "I will never leave you, Dan. Not properly and never permanently."

"I know, kiddo." You say while you embrace her and rest her head against your chest. You remember many years ago when you both laid in this position and made a pinky promise. So much has changed and yet, this hasn't. You and Eliza, this special relationship that brought hope to your life. "I know."

XIV

When Eliza graduates from Yale you are so proud. You have always been proud, but in this day, you swear you are the proudest person in the world. Eleanor is your plus one in the ceremony, and she is not even a plus one because Cyrus comes along, naturally. You three are probably the adults that are making the most noise. While everyone is proper and well-behaved you three are cheering and screaming, it surprises you to see Eleanor like this. You are really shocked. Then again, she is also a Waldorf woman, and with them you never know what to expect.

The ceremony is over and Eliza walks to you. Your little girl is a woman. She is going places and she's going to do great things, glorious things. She introduces you to her boyfriend which you have seen before but never met officially. He is seven years her senior but you really don't mind because the way he looks at Eli, it reminds you of a certain way you used to look at someone.

The celebratory party is at Eleanor and Cyrus' home. Yes, the old Waldorf penthouse. You haven't been there in such a long time, in more than twenty years.

Rufus and Lily, come over. And your mom. And Jenny and Eric and Serena. Even Nate; who you shamelessly haven't talked with since forever. You haven't talked with and visited and done many things since many years ago. What have you done? What have you done? The people around you are moving on, have long since move on. And you? You are forty-seven years old and have nothing great to show for it.

You are lingering on these thoughts when you hear a commotion in the foyer. Blair Waldorf has arrived.

"Who invited you?" You ask. The accusionary tone is not past her, and you, for that matter.

"I… I did." Eliza answers and you are so perplexed that it almost seems like someone has petrified you.

The celebration continues. And you observe Blair carefully. She is talking with Serena and they are both teary eyed. When she talks to Eliza you feel like going there and just hug Eliza, shield her from Blair. But Eliza invited her, so she wants her there. And you learn to accept it. Maybe you weren't enough. Maybe all this time, she really needed her mom.

At the end of the night, when everyone is long gone and Eleanor and Cyrus have already retired to bed. Eliza requires talking to you, in a serious tone.

"I wanted to tell you, that I have invited her." She says without looking you in the eye. "But I didn't know how you would react to the idea."

"I would have accepted it, Eli." You tell her. "After all, she is your mom. I just wish you have told me, so I wouldn't be so shocked."

"I know. I know. I realize now." She states with a nervous smile. "I… she, she wrote to me. These past years. I mean, ever since that time she visited in my fifteenth birthday, she has been sending me letters every two months. I never answered, but I always read. I figured, why not invite her? Try to make amends. Start anew. I'm so sorry, Dan. If I had knew how sad this made you I wouldn't even had considered the idea."

"Hey, don't cry, kiddo." You say while you wrap her in your arms. "I'm not sad."

"Don't try to lie, Dan." She tells you while her head is on your chest. "I know you. You keep forgetting that I know you; I can see through you. I can see it in your eyes. It hurt you."

"No."

You stay like this, holding each other. For a while.

"Yes it did. But you need to know." She breaks the silence, "You need to _learn_. I will never leave you and I will never try to replace you."

You suddenly realize what you have known all along. What you have long since _learned_. Eliza. Eliza. Your intelligent, independent, talented, beautiful Eliza. She is your mark in this world. She is what you have to show for your life. The one that matters. She is not your daughter; only that she really is. In every sense of the word but the biological one. You have raised her. You have helped her become the woman she is today. All of her, since the little girl that learned too quickly what is liked to be left, until the woman that is standing in front of you.

"You are it." You tell her with the hugest smile your lips permit you to do. "You are it. You are what matters to me. My what matters."

She looks at you with her huge blue-colored eyes and she smiles at you as well. Bright and simple. "You are my what matters too." After that, you open champagne and make a toast to the past, and to the future.

Before she leaves to continue her celebrations with her boyfriend and her group of friends, she tells you. "You and me, Dan. Against the world."

"You and me, kiddo. But whit some new people as allies, of course."

"Of course." She tells you, thinking about Eleanor and Cyrus. And your family. "Of course. Just, whenever you feel lonely, remember today's speech. My speech."

And with that she is gone.

You will never forget her speech from the ceremony. She was one of the few students who got to have that opportunity. She gave you a copy, on paper. At that moment you read the final words, the words you will always keep in your heart. Because they feel so real, they feel like Eli. They feel like home.

"And finally, I like to close with these parting lines. This is for Dan, my family. There is a quote that says _blood is thicker than water_. And for some it may be true. Yet, this is bastardization as the whole quote goes: _the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water in the womb._ It means that relationships formed by choice hold a deeper meaning than those by mere biology. And with this one, I stay.

It means a lot to me.

I love you Dad. And I hope you are proud."

_What did Blair Waldorf gave you?_

She gave you the most precious gift, the most precious person. She gave you Eliza, your daughter.

* * *

_Ah, if you are here then I hope it means you read this all. I'm afraid some of you may not finish it for the lack of Blair or with annoyance of how I portrayed her. For that I'm sorry but I fell that this is something she could end up doing. I really do, as much as I love her. It's always good to hear your thoughts and opinions, so if you have the time, it would be lovely if you leave a review. But really, if you have enjoyed this. It makes me happy._

_Ps. If it helps, I imagine Eliza as Alice Englert, but with blue eyes._


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